I had no idea I was repressing my emotions.

Growing up in an emotionally neglectful home, was not safe to show emotion. As a young child in my home, kids were to be seen, and not heard. If I were to cry (show emotion) in front of my parents, I was told

“Stop crying! or I’ll give you something to cry about”

Crying is one of the most productive ways of moving emotions out of our bodies. If, as a little girl I’m told to be quiet when crying or my caregivers will hurt me, what am I to do? I would be forced to do the only thing any young child could do under these circumstances..

NOT show emotion…. Which meant: I HAD to REPRESS them.

The definition of Repression:

“The action or process of suppressing a thought or desire in oneself so that it remains unconscious”

The key meaning in this definition is “remains unconscious”

Remaining unconscious was my survival mechanism as a young child. Because I was unable to express my emotions, they were forced to stay stuck in my body as they had no where to go. Repressed emotions don’t magically disappear or dissolve if not tended to, instead these old emotions that never moved out create dis-ease in one way or another.

Having parents that had their own repressed emotions ultimately is what made it impossible for me to show mine. The truth is… my parents couldn’t handle being triggered by their children’s emotions which is why they wanted us to be seen and not heard. I now understand that these bursts of energy coming from anyone of my parents children (me included) “TRIGGERED” their repression.

So as you can see, this becomes a vicious cycle of generational trauma that gets passed down from one generation to another.

With clarity and awareness, dealing with our own repressed emotions will aid in ending generational “drama/trauma” from dictating our lives.